Catharsis in a plain, brown wrapper.

To whomsoever may read this,
besides myself and my friend Rebecca...

It should ne noted forthwith that I am an over-thinker. I tend to remain inside of decisions, moments, circumstances, whathaveyou; and I analyze and then re-analyze my re-analyzations. All and all, it generally tends to manifest a good deal of over-analyzation. I have read, and I have learned things. Ideas, Ideaologies, Idealizations, whathaveyou. And these things have allowed me to step through SO many new conceptual doors. I can truly say, with both joy and hestitation in my soul, that these things which I have learned have set me on a path of creation, the end result of which will be a wholly unique and hopefully beneficial perspective on this universe. Me. The end result of Me.
And for this I must be happy. And I must be patient.
But I don't do either very well these days and that is because of the price. The price of the things I have learned. Remember the doors I got to step through, the conceptual ones?... As it turns out, they kind of lock from the inside. Once one walks out...it's almost impossible to walk back in. So, the price you pay (outside of the side effect of over-analysis), is in simply accepting the new perspective. Because with that knowledge gained, with new doors in front of you and an old one closed, you must accept the loss of the old door. For anything gained, it is a virtual inevitability that something be lost.
Sometimes, that's really hard to live with.
Sometimes, you don't want to see the world the way you do.
Sometimes, you want to go back to what's lost.
Sometimes, you feel like you know less for having learned.
Take human relationships for example, specifically Romantic human relationships. Now, I capitalize Romantic because I know Romance to be an abstract, one inside of love. And an abstract has a life of its own, outside of petty human concerns. Like Truth or Jealousy or Equality or even Love itself, it spins and twists and twines through our conscious lives. Uniting us and separating us all at the same time. It's one of the millions of conceptual revelations that mankind has achieved in its short history that help us to define our lives with each other.
As an over-analyst, abstracts sure do make life hell just as much as they make life worth living, though.
Romance in particular is a keen example. Only a self-aware species could be capable of making something so fundamentally simple so unbelievably complicated. From a strictly reductionist perspective, love is a necessary physiological response whose sole intent is procreation of the species. But abstraction has made it so much more.
With our ability to manifest and UNDERSTAND feelings like love and romance, we are able to share those feelings outside of the end result of mere copulation.
And throughout our lives, it will be wonderful to love.
And it will be inspiring to love.
And it will be inevitable to love.
But it will also be hard to love sometimes.
And it will hurt to love...
And it will be inevitable that it will hurt.
So why do we do it? Procreation is possible with out it. Why create such height and such depth in an emotion?
Because consciousness makes us lonely.
Consciousness connects us to an entire universe if we want to see it. It connects us to everyone else EVERYWHERE.
But in the same horrifying breaths, it isolates us. Into One. Single. Individual.
And that single realization, that single thought inside of billions, is what makes us NEED to love.
Because once we understand just how big this universe is, and just how infintesimal one is inside of it...
You want nothing more than to take someone else's hand...
And hold on together.
Then, it doesn't matter how big the universe is.
Or how hard life can be.
Or how short life is...
Because you have each other.
That's all I want. I just want someone who can make the universe...
Not seem so big.
I want to be able to look into her eyes and say,
"This is it.
This is life.
And I'm in love with you...
And I don't want to waste any more of my life without you in it."

I didn't write that. I stole it from 'Garden State'. I'm not entirely sure where I was going with all of this, so...

Goonight, Love.
Don't be a stranger.